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  officially
I depressing...

I am now back to Oulu from Stockholm. I have always thought this place was too small, too boring, too full of nothingness, which, in sum, I won't be shy to say, is too meaningless. Little did I know, after spending a few days in Stockholm, I never thought I'd be overwhelmed with such a warmth just by seeing four letters on a side of the airport terminal to which I had secretely grown this inexplicable affinity: Oulu. Don't get me wrong, Stockholm was great, one of the most beautiful cities I've ever been to, as a matter of fact. But this feeling of Finnish home-sweet-home... That, is very weird. And the more I thought about it, the more guilt I felt. I could've had it better, I can only regret. Now I wonder what had got into me for the last few months. Why hadn't I seen it more clearly? I can't believe it's already August and I can't believe the next coop student has emailed me about how excited he is to be able to join MediaTeam and all that.. I was there, too. Exactly four months ago, wondering the same things, asking the same questions, unsure of the decision I had made back then. Which, by the way, was a good decision of my part, I just wish it hadn't have to be this way. I am complaining, as you can see. And only I can answer to it and it is only I who can react to it. And oddly enough, I do not want to leave her...

For he loved her, as you can only love someone who is an echo of yourself at your time of deepest sorrow.
- From Speaker For The Dead

NB This picture was taken in April, during my first days in Finland.
 
 
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  the five
Hanging... you-you's

What. When. Where. Who. Why. No more, no less.

There is something about you that demands complete unselfishness.

So I wait.

Stooooopid me. It's August, not July.
 
 
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  I wish
X-Ray Vision to find you

You are transparent.
I didn't see your face,
But your teardrops
Kept splashing down on me.

Why?

And the search goes on...
Where is my well?


Need to fix my laptop first.
 
 
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  I dream
Walk up and see therefore I am??

I've been having so many dreams lately...

I am forgetful I must admit
But these stairs.. so dimly lit
I must have seen it
Because it's so vivid
I am standing there in front of the stairs
Wondering what could be there upstairs
Then I saw your face just to make sure
But you looked scared and unsure
That is when you said you were afraid
So we held hands and we prayed
Until I realized it was only a dream
Just a dream




You are transparent.
 
 
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  serons
The Baltic Sea ns?

Sea.
Eventually,
The river will reach out to your serenity.
 
 
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  Baskin Robbins?
Thirty One I don't think so

The date is fixed. I'm flying out of Oulu on the 31st of this month. My original plan was to fly out of Finland on that day but I'd found a better (cheaper) flight, so I had to postpone it to the 1st of September. Did you get that or am I just making things more complicated?

Probably the latter. hehe

The book that I'm holding in the picture is The Rainmaker by John Grisham. An excellent book, I may add. So far, this term, I've read six books in total. I'm not proud to say this, but I've never read more than one book a month. Six books in the span of a little over three months; boy, I must've been really bored in this place. Now that I'm done with my last book, I don't know what to do...

Last night, as it got darker, I saw the faintest star in the sky. It was all alone, just like me.
 
 
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  suicide's note
For a kiss... by Langston Hughes

The calm,
Cool face of the river
Asked me for a kiss.
 
 
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  the path
Oh Oh Land which you may never

Follow the path that is unknown
You'll find the apple on your own

Who knows,
No one does.

Do you have a friend?
I call mine, pretend.

Bah

Nah

Nah

.

Banana?
 
 
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